:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
