Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
