he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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