On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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