You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.