What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
