The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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