chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
