WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
