i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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