Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
