so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
