There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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