I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A+ Viking dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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