Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
