She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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