So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
