NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
