also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
