High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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