I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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