I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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