your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The maid of honor just puked.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
