can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
