Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
