You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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