Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would ride that face into the sunset
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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