you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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