dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.