Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."

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(786): View more from Florida

Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(517): View more from Michigan

just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.

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(631): View more from New York

if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!

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