it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.