oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.