I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!