I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
