So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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