You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
