Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
