Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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