Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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