literally had 100 drinks last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
