is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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