Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
