If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
