I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize