Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
being pregnant is like rehab
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
