your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
