I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
