Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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