sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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