Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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