I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize