I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
