the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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