i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
