Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
