Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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