no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
