I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
