I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
