FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
