All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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