The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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