It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
