He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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