I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
