Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
