It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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