Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
