I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
