Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
