i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
