In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
