Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
