alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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