i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
