i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
