She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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