When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
