i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
