Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
