could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
