So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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