My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
