This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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