Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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