I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
