I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
